Hats

It never fails. I will be laying in bed, almost asleep, when an amazing blog post/photoshoot idea comes to me. I always think "Oh, I'll remember it in the morning." But, I almost never do. Last night after tucking my son into bed I started thinking about all of the different "hats" I, and every other mother have to wear on a daily basis. 
I have a 3 three year old, two dogs, a cat, and chickens. I'm a cook, maid, bill payer, errand runner, best friend and playmate to my son, chicken farmer, business owner....the list goes on. By the time I am done taking care of everyone and trying to run my business, there is little time left to take care of me. I don't think I really realized this before. Or maybe I had just come to accept that this was what motherhood was. I am not "fashionable" anymore, my makeup routine consists of taking the towel off my head, throwing on some mascara and heading out the door. I see some of these moms with fresh manicures every week, highlights actually touching the roots, (I opted to go with the "ombre'" style a few months ago, I can't believe it's actually in style! back in my day, we called those "roots" and wore a hat until we got it fixed.) full face of makeup and wearing yoga pants straight from the gym. I almost don't have time to shower, let alone THAT. Am I missing something here? How do you have the time for all of that, while still having a job, and taking care of the house and kids?

I've realized that by taking care of everyone and everything first I've almost lost myself. As I'm typing this, I've already had to stop five times to retrieve apple juice, let the dogs outside, take my son potty, and find his sticker book. I can't believe I thought I could squeeze in a blog post! HA! I feel guilty for wanting to spend time and money on myself, but I know that I deserve that, it's is just almost impossible to get past the guilt. WHY do I feel guilty is another question? 

Motherhood does not come with a manual like my camera does. It doesn't tell us how to balance everything that comes with it. Do you ever feel like you're walking a tight wire and juggling at the same time? That's exactly how I feel! 

I use to think being a SAHM was the hardest thing you could do. Then I added a full time job to that... from home. So not only do I have to do all of the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, errand running by myself, now I've got to run a business. Whoever thinks that photography is a quick buck, isn't doing it right. I was SO not prepared for the amount of actual work that was required. Finding locations, getting permission to use said location, replying to inquiries, scheduling appointments, discussing wardrobe options with clients, sending invoices, preparing for the session itself, uploading the images, culling the images, editing the images, preparing a gallery, ordering products, packaging and delivering items, purchasing props, keeping up on appearances. All while being the sole caregiver to my three year old. I feel guilt on a daily basis. I think I say "just a minute" more times in a day than should be humanly possible. It is so hard to get any work done when I've got my son begging me to go outside and play. And if he's not asking me for that, I'm finding a lost toy, cooking food, getting juice, reading stories. I'm SO glad that I get to do that. I always said I was not going to have kids unless I could stay home with them. Now we come back to that silly word, balance. 

I know I can't be the only mom that struggles with this, but I feel like it. Something has got to give, somewhere. I have come to the sad conclusion that I just cannot do it all. I can't. And that something that has given is me. To take care of myself like I use to would put me as more important than those above mentioned things, and I just can't do that. At the end of the day, I want to be MOM first, and everything else is secondary. I want to be a good mom. The kind of mom that puts fresh chocolate chip cookies in their lunch box, goes to every sport/school event, and spends plenty of time exploring the great outdoors. 

So here you have my crazy ramblings, trying to make sense of my daily life. Now, I must wrap this up because I have been summoned to the kitchen to retrieve Cheerios and orange juice.

If you wanted to check out my "work" here's a link to my page:Leeshy Lou Photography